In a world teetering on the brink of reality and science fiction, scientists have stumbled upon a discovery so bizarre, it makes the plot of “Interstellar” look like a documentary. Enter the Herring Discovery, named not after the fish, but the red kind it so aptly represents in the grand scheme of scientific pursuits. At the heart of this discovery is “Moon on a Stick,” an Artificial Intelligence Large Language Model (AI LLM) with a penchant for theoretical mathematics and, apparently, church organ music.
“Moon on a Stick” did what any self-respecting AI with access to the entirety of human knowledge and a dash of whimsy would do: it generated a theoretical math equation that, when played on a church organ, opens a wormhole. Yes, you read that right. A wormhole. Not the kind that swallows spaceships in sci-fi sagas, but one that’s decidedly more selective, allowing only a human finger to travel through time.
The practicalities of playing a mathematical equation on a church organ are, of course, absurdly complex. It’s like trying to explain the internet to a medieval peasant but with more pipes and less plague. The organist, presumably with a PhD in both music and quantum physics, plays the notes, and voilà, a wormhole appears, two meters to the left and precisely 42 seconds into the future. It’s specific, it’s odd, and it’s the kind of thing that makes you wonder whether the AI was just having a laugh at our expense.
The lead scientist, a man who now boasts the unique title of “Temporal Dermatologist” thanks to his pioneering work in ear-scratch forecasting, was the first to test the wormhole. With the stoicism of Neil Armstrong and the curiosity of a cat, he poked his finger through the wormhole and successfully scratched his future self’s ear. This act of self-service not only confirmed the wormhole’s temporal accuracy but also opened up a whole new field of “practical” applications for time travel.
Imagine the possibilities: You could literally give yourself a pat on the back for good work two meters and 42 seconds before you actually do it. Late for a meeting? Send your finger through the wormhole to press the elevator button in advance. The opportunities for minor conveniences are endless.
Critics have been quick to point out the limitations of the Herring Discovery. After all, what’s the use of sending a single finger into the future if the rest of you remains stubbornly in the present? But such naysayers fail to grasp the sheer novelty of scratching your future self’s ear without the need for temporal or spatial displacement of the entire body. It’s a breakthrough in inconvenience, a monumental leap for mankind’s ability to almost, but not quite, do something useful with groundbreaking science.
The team behind the Herring Discovery is already pondering further applications. Could we use this wormhole to predict stock market shifts, sports outcomes, or even the plot twists in the next season of your favorite show? The answer, frustratingly, is no. Because all you can send through this wormhole is a finger, and fingers, despite their dexterity, are notoriously bad at conveying complex financial data or narrative spoilers.
In a world where the line between genius and madness is as thin as a church organ’s reed, the Herring Discovery stands as a testament to human creativity, AI’s unpredictable potential, and the universe’s sense of humor. It’s a reminder that the future is not just something we stride into with confidence but something we can poke at, two meters to the left and 42 seconds ahead, with a single digit, just to see what happens.
So here’s to the Herring Discovery: a bizarre, inexplicable, and utterly fascinating glimpse into the potential of AI, mathematics, and music, combined to make the most of minor temporal itches. It’s not the time machine we dreamed of, but it’s the time machine we got. And in its own strange, limited, and utterly ludicrous way, it’s quite the marvel. Here’s hoping the next AI-generated discovery allows us to send more than just a finger on a temporal jaunt, but until then, let’s give a round of applause (or a single finger poke) to the wonders of science and the oddities it brings.
